Update

Whoops... Where did June go?

June was a rather eventful month for the porn biz.  Politics yet again threaten the industry that is home to thousands of happy performers and other biz workers.  In case you missed it, check out Kinky.com's coverage of AB1576.  Fingers crossed that this nonsense ends and we can kinda sorta breath easy a little while longer before another politician tries to rubs us out...in a bad way that is.  This past month I attended of a few meetings with several other adult performer advocates to hopefully create enough momentum, something to help curb this madness.  I've been rather apolitical most of my life because of the lack of actual importance in the common man's beliefs, plights, what have you.  The AB1576 debacle from my standpoint reaffirms that certain politicians clearly don't give a damn.

Moving on from the dark to the mildly awesome.  June has been a month butt-stuffed with radio shows and bush growing hijinks.  I've popped on LATalk Radio for Inside the Industry hosted by the kind James Bartholet.  Vivid Sirius XM Radio has been pretty sweet having me on Dana Dearmond's Dirty Nerdy and the Christy Canyon show.  Also, Vivid SXM has offered me a sweet opportunity, which you folks may be able to get in on.

On July 18 at 1pm PST, I will get to host one hour on Vivid Radio 102 SXM with the topics of my choosing.  In total transparency, the topics I choose were kind of on the spot and hurried, but I don't think you'll be disappointed.  For the first half hour I'll be chatting about Erotic Fanfiction; the third quarter is about Foot Fetishes; the remainder of the show will cover the Switch role in BDSM. 

When I was exploring the world (a.k.a the Internet) as a youth looking for fap material, I didn't really turn at all to video porn.  Sure there was that one brilliant sex tape, but often I didn't care to wank it to vid content because my imagination was so much better.  Instead, I ate up a ghastly amount of erotic fan fiction.  The universes, characters, and settings that I loved from literature, movies, and television were presented to me doing things too devious for original.  Why not enjoy some ridiculous pairings like Luna Lovegood and the Weasley twins on a rainy night on the floor of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes?  Do not even get me started on the original characters fan fiction writers create.  Well written or not, these original fan created fictions made my nethers go a tingle.

Foot fetishists fascinate me.  Although I am not terribly opposed to having my tootsies, soles, and arches worshipped, I am not a foot fetishist.  What is it about feet that drive the folks crazy?  Spread toes, wrinkled soles, and high arches are enough to send blood rushing down under for those who adore feet.  Tell me all about how this fetish developed in your sexual appetites.  Regale me with some deliciously naughty stories of foot lovin.

The last topic that will be covered will be a discussion on the switch bdsm scene role.  Being switch opens one up to both ends of the BDSM spectrum as well as all the dispositions between.  Switches have the ability to be dominant as well as submission.  Frankly it's a double the pleasure, double the fun situation.  Personally, some of my favorite Dommes are switches.  As a switch the dominance and submission play is more dynamic in my experience.  Dom/Dommes, subs, and switches are welcomed to discuss this delightful scene role.  Of course, everyone is invited to call in.

I am really fucking excited to have this opportunity.  Tune in and call in!  Info is below.

Vivid Radio Sirius XM Channel 102

Vivid Virgins--July 18 at 1pm PST

http://www.siriusxm.com/vividradio

Call in at 855-998-4843

Where Are You Going? Where Have You Been?

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Will Post Wednesday...But for now the Significance of Funny Stories

I could never do stand up comedy, but I would just love to have a venue to tell funny stories.  Perhaps one of my favorite tropes in literature is the bard.  The bard is the keeper of stories and histories.  This tradition is preserved and maintained by telling stories and the like in a way to maintain interest and continue the diffusion of stories through generations.  Rather than having the responsibility of preserving history, I like to plant stories that will be retold because they're funny.  Comedy is something I try to weave into my story telling and my blog posts.  Making someone laugh or even smile is such an easy and small thing to do, so why not do it? 

I'll leave you with this--an example of wordplay and humor from the movie Clue.  It's shit like this I hope to include in future projects.

Yes, it's based on a board game.  And yes, it's still bloody hilarious to this day.

Love,
Hermia

P.S.  Normal blog post on Wednesday.  Love your faces.

Welcome to The Euphemistic Minister: Ramblings on Life, Meatsacks, and Self-Deprecation

A Nervous Writer with Shaky Promises

            I've been nervously awaiting this day for a while.  Upon seeing that I had 2001 followers on Twitter, my heart sank to my groin faster than a body in a river.  There has been a problem that I have promised myself that would be resolved--that is to set a posting schedule. This problem only exists because creative writing is very much like taking a shit. 

            At times, I wonder if I'll die if I don't get it all out.  In other instances, I'm flush with impatience as this thing, whatever it maybe, perches and stews deep inside my bowels rather than flowing freely.  Creativity is a tempestuous wretch, quite irregular. 

           

            Thus I find myself without a clue as to setting a posting schedule.

            However, it would be supremely shitty of me not to insure some regularity to posting.  Luckily, the beautiful thing of it is that I already have a few pieces that are worth nitpicking.  Know that I will give you guys a glimpse of the editing process and the neuroses à la déjà vu. 

            Know that even if I don't have something hot off the high lady's presses, you'll have something to consume and mull over.

            I want to shoot for the stars and promise three blogs a week, but I'm ever the realist.  Below is very real realigned text made to seem as if it is official by the format.  It is not, but it's the best I can do.  As close to a promise as I can cyberly commit to my readers.  

I,      Hermia Li (aka Mia Li/Your Mother's Lover)    , promise to post on THE EUPHEMISTIC MINISTER BLOG on every HUMPDAY.  However if the post is to potently piss poor, fuck it and find something at least INCITEFUL to share.

Now, folks, all two of you who read this dribble.  Please regard the following as my fucking word, and promises I plan on keeping.  Because things such as your word should still matter.

·       I will do my best to be not too wretchedly high to write

·       I will document this strange and fascinating world, and our perplexing species

·       I will reflect on my own personal impressions from the strange and fascinating world to weave stories others can lose themselves in

·       I will fuck your mother all night long

·       I will not take myself too seriously

·       I will take my posting rather seriously

           In a nutshell, I'm going to be writing about the shit I see in myself and the modern animal, which is humanity.  I write most confidently about what I know.  And I've lived enough, fucked enough, and breathed enough to say humans are interesting animals.  Let's flesh out those peculiarities and see what narrative is shat out. 

Enjoy THE EUPHEMISTIC MINISTER.

Why Language is so Fucking Sexy

Today, I'm not posting a short creative writing piece for your folks, but rather explaining a particular fetish of mine.  Socially, sexually, and intellectually, I absolutely crave gentlemen and ladies who wield language like Zorro's sword.  Being able to splice together smooth sounding sentences to articulate a succinct yet sublime thought makes the panties drop. 

Weavers of worlds from words, also known as, great story-tellers are on my list of mind/body boner inducing "tropes".  These gents know how to bring sequence of events together in a captivating and intriguing way.  Plot points are hit like the hi-hat in an upbeat jazz jam.  Gesticulations marry with articulations and enunciations of setting, dialoague, and enrapturous narrative.  These gents are unafraid to play with their voice and visage during a tale.  They may be usually very quiet, unassuming, and outwardly not the type.  But perhaps these modern day bards might surprise the right crowd. 

This may be a gross assumption, but I don't believe the vast majority of the adult population writes recreationally or professionally.  The majority of jobs held don't exactly require great writing or language skills.  Certainly, national language reading comprehension may be necessary for the day to day.  Yet, I highly doubt that a great majority of adults take the time to sit and write the complexities of their personal thoughts day to day.  Surely, they may speak to a friend, partner, or spouse about how their day went and comment about current news.  But how frequently do they think of the world at large, humanity, morality, and other tenuous ideas that float in the minutia of daydreams and write or speak about it?  How frequently do you?

The majority of the population probably doesn't explicitly recognize the usage of alliteration, simile, metaphor, and other facets of the language.  I believe that most all folks recognize the beautiful and horrible usages of language and are able to differentiate.  Being able to identify those modes of rhetoric and figurative language may definitely enhance someone's usage and application of language.  Ergo making them deliciously and intelligently attractive.

As comedically golden as a perfectly executed pick-up line may be, it doesn't quite equate to what I call an eavesdropping erection.  This is purely an intellectual arousal because I get turned on by the speech and not the looks.  This has happened to me in restaurants, bars, airports, and wherever people generally have conversations.  When I hear someone say something like-minded and in a way that is very sexily articulated, my interest is indeed piqued.  It makes me want to listen to that person more.  Note that the name eavesdropping erection really reveals how little human interaction I have in real life.  Curiouser and curiouser.

Hope you enjoyed the spiel.  I promise to write tomorrow evening after the shoot.

Love,
Hermia